6 Ways to Navigate Disagreements with Friends Without Losing Love

1. Approach

Approaching topics with love is vital to a healthy conversation; this includes assuming the best of the other person, even if you have a doubt in your mind that they do not have good intentions. This positive attitude shifts the direction and the tone of the discussion from heaviness to hope. Much of assuming the best intentions from others includes carefully listening to what they are seeking to convey. This is not just considering the words they are saying, but also their unique experiences, influences, and where they are collecting information. When you do not shy away from asking for clarifications, you invite them to provide their own process. This may indeed open the door for them to reveal their own wrestling with the topic, softening their stubborn positions. The Bible reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

A well-thought-out approach seeks to put this into practice and to encourage healthy communication, and by doing so, you are operating from a heart posture of kindness and love. Your method, attitude, word choice, and style in tackling uncomfortable matters will determine the long-term outcomes.

2. Be Teachable

As passionate or as educated as we can be about a subject or topic, there will always be room for growth. Having a teachable spirit is an asset, and you can encourage others to steward it as well. This means making a point to cultivate a spirit of curiosity, asking questions, and extending the suggestion for others to do the same. Curiosity often leads to exploration, and when we seek out the truth, especially together, we acquire experience and knowledge, as well as an ongoing invitation to a relationship. Luke 8:10 shares, “He said, 'You have been given a teachable heart to perceive the secret, hidden mysteries of God’s kingdom realm. But to those without a listening heart, my words are merely stories. Even though they have eyes, they are blind to the true meaning of what I say, and even though they listen, they won’t receive full revelation. Because this revelation lamp now shines within you, nothing will be hidden from you—it will all be revealed. Every secret of the kingdom will be unveiled and out in the open, made known by the revelation-light.” (TPT) 

A teachable spirit commonly convenes with a spirit of humility, and when two or more sit before the Lord asking for His revelation, His teaching, and His instruction, what may be found are new treasures that await those who go after them, together.

3. Pray for Wisdom

There will be times when someone we truly cherish is completely and utterly incorrect in a situation, and there may come a moment when we are clearly asked to share our own opinions. In such a time, it is imperative to pray for wisdom only the Lord can offer. James 1:5 reminds us to cling to the assurance that, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God delights in lavishing upon us all we need to voyage in even the roughest of seas, and that includes difficult discussions. 

A great prayer to offer up is “Lord, please remove my filter completely so that Your voice of truth may be heard clearly.” Such a prayer makes you a conduit of the Holy Spirit, and it replaces the tendency to cave into fear or people pleasing with the bold faith that can only come from His power within you. Trust that the Lord will speak through you and help you as you rely increasingly on Him along the way.

4. Respect

Even if you disagree, coming from an approach of desiring to listen and understand will enable the other person to feel respected and safe. You can also then ask the same of them when you share your thoughts and convictions. Respect is a form of loving the other person in action, and it embraces healthy boundaries. 1 Peter 2:17 encourages us to "Show proper respect to everyone. Love the brotherhood of believers.” You may find the necessity to shelf certain topics or omit them from what you are willing to discuss in particular circles, but such lines are set to show regard. Recognizing where and when these borders are beneficial, they are implemented because you care for the other person. A wise course of action is to also assure the other person that you care for them and that you have a sincere heart of love for them. A rebuke can often feel like rejection, when in reality it stems from a desire to help the other person grow. A way to stifle the seed of rejection from growing is to verbalize your appreciation and admiration of the other person. Taking the time to do this typically will enable them to listen rather than become defensive. When all parties feel respected, all involved can move onward without animosity.

5. Choose Relationship

Diverging conclusions can stir up hostility and birth contempt for your brother. Hebrews 12:14 encourages us to “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble and defile many.” 

Accomplishing this may leave you with the choice of being “right” and winning the battle just to lose the war with the casualty of your bond. Do you want to be right, or do you want to keep a relationship? Ask yourself if it is truly worth the loss of the other person in your life to feel the satisfaction of triumph in debate.

6. The Bigger Picture

The Lord can work in mysterious ways, and perhaps a roadblock of differing viewpoints can lead to something unexpected. Ask the Lord to highlight areas where you may be missing the mark, or the planks in your own eye (Matthew 7:3-5). He may use the opportunity to move hearts or minds towards a greater embrace of knowledge, or a wider appreciation of truth. Invite Him into the conversations you have with the other person(s) and surrender the control and outcome to Him. This very real issue in your life has the potential for a greater and bigger use to the Lord, far beyond contrary sentiments. Rest in the beauty that He can use anything to bring forward the outcome of love.