How to Find a Great Therapist for Your Kids

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I can’t tell you how many nights I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I was doing enough. I would replay the day’s meltdowns or the quiet withdrawals in my mind, asking myself, Is this just a phase? Or do we need help?

For a long time, I hesitated. But looking back now, I can say with certainty: Enough thinking.

Our family’s journey has been complex. We have navigated the deep waters of adoption and the specific wounds of trauma. But we have also walked through seasons of anxiety and depression that had nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with being human in a broken world. Through it all, I am overwhelmingly thankful for the many therapists who have walked alongside us.

They haven’t just helped my children heal, they have also taught me how to be a better parent. They have given us tools when we were empty-handed and hope when we were running low. If you are standing on the edge of that decision today—wondering if your child’s struggle is “big enough” to warrant a professional—let me encourage you: You don’t have to carry this alone.

Here is what we learned about finding the right person to help carry the load.

When You Need More Than Love

If you are reading this and feeling overwhelmed, please know: I have been there.

When my husband John and I adopted seven children in just a few years, we went from an almost empty nest to a home filled with noise, needs, and—if I’m honest—a lot of chaos. We moved into what I call “survival mode.” I remember standing in my kitchen, feeling like I had lost all control, scrubbing sticky messes off the counter as my own emotions bubbled over.

We loved our children fiercely, but we quickly realized that love alone wasn’t enough to heal the deep wounds of trauma, neglect, and the broken trust they carried from their pasts. We needed help. We needed professional tools.

If you are in that place where you know your child needs more support than you can give, taking the step to find a therapist is not a sign of failure—it is an act of brave love. Based on our journey with seven adopted children, here is what I learned about finding the right therapist and why it made all the difference.

1. Look for Someone Who Understands Trauma (Not Just Behavior)

When we first brought our children home, we dealt with behaviors that were baffling. We had a two-year-old with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) who would run to strangers but struggle to connect with us. We had a five-year-old who would explode with rage that seemed far too big for her tiny body.

A great therapist looks beyond the “bad behavior” to the why behind it. They understand that a child’s explosion isn’t just defiance. It is often a reaction to overwhelming fear or a brain wired for survival. When looking for a therapist, ask: Do you have experience with trauma and attachment? You need someone who sees the scared child hiding behind the angry words.

2. Find a Therapist Who Trains You, Too

One of the most surprising things about our therapy journey was that the therapists didn’t just work with the kids—they gave us homework. And it wasn’t what I expected!

In the early days, I was constantly correcting my kids. I followed them around saying, “No, don’t do that,” or “Stop!” But our therapist gave us a game-changing tool: Praise.

She explained that my kids craved attention, even if it was negative. She urged me to stay mellow when correcting them but to give “over-the-board attention” when they did something right. It felt counterintuitive, but she taught us that “Grumbling equals disconnection. And praise equals connection and bonding.”

A great therapist will partner with you, giving you practical tools to change the atmosphere of your home, not just the child’s behavior in a one-hour session.

3. The “Cognitive” Piece: Changing the Story

While my kids were in therapy, I also learned a life-changing lesson from my life coach, Alice, that perfectly mirrors the heart of cognitive-based therapy.

I was drowning in negative thoughts: My house is always a mess. The kids are always fighting. Alice taught me that these thoughts were just a “story” I was telling myself—a negative story that kept me stuck. She helped me rewrite those thoughts into proactive solutions.

This is exactly what good therapy does for our kids. Many children who have experienced trauma believe lies about themselves: I am unlovable. I am a burden. I will just get sent away again. These internal stories drive their external actions.

When you are interviewing therapists, look for someone who works on transforming thoughts. You want a professional who can help your child identify those “negative stories” and replace them with the truth: that they are safe, they are loved, and they are capable of change.

A Note to the Weary Parent

There were days I drove to therapy appointments feeling completely drained, wondering if any of it was working. But slowly, layer by layer, healing happened.

If you are in the thick of it today, don’t lose heart. God is searching for those who need strength. Seeking the right help for your child is one of the most powerful ways you can say, “I see you, I love you, and we are going to get through this together.”

Where to Find Help: Recommended Resources

Finding the right therapist can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack, especially when you are exhausted. But you don’t have to do it alone. Here are a few trusted Christian organizations that can help guide you to the right support for your family:

1. Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network

Focus on the Family has an incredible tool to help you find a licensed Christian counselor in your area who specializes in marriage and family issues. You can search their database to find someone near you who shares your values.

• Bonus: If you need to talk to someone right now, they offer a free one-time consultation with a licensed counselor. You can call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). It is a safe place to cry, vent, and get a next step.

2. Empowered to Connect

If you are parenting children from hard places (adoption or foster care), Empower to Connect ministry is invaluable. They provide resources based on Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), which connects the science of healing trauma with the compassion of the Gospel. Their “Connect” course and directory can help you find therapists and support groups that “get it.”

3. Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO)

CAFO is a wonderful hub for families like ours. They have a wealth of webinars, articles, and conference archives that address the unique cognitive and emotional needs of adopted children. It is a great place to remind yourself that you are part of a larger community of families walking this same road.

4. Show Hope

Founded by Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth, Show Hope offers excellent pre- and post-adoption support. Their resources on “Hope for the Journey” (formerly the Empowered to Connect Conference) provide practical, trauma-informed teaching that can help you advocate for your child in therapy and at school.

A Final Prayer for You

Lord, I lift up this parent right now. You know the weight they are carrying. Lead them to the right helper—someone who will offer wisdom, safety, and hope to their child. Give this parent the strength to make the phone call and the peace to know that You are holding their family every step of the way. Amen.

Resources to Help You on the Journey

If you want to go deeper into building a home filled with gratitude, faith, and peace, here are four resources to help you take the next step:

1. The Grumble-Free Year If you enjoyed this post, invite yourself into the full story! Join me and my family of eleven (including our eighty-eight-year-old grandmother!) as we embark on a yearlong quest to eliminate grumbling. In this book, I share our real-life plans, successes, and plenty of failures as we move out of survival mode. It offers actionable steps based on Scripture to help you discover what really matters, go with the flow when plans change, and finally thrive as a family. “The Grumble-Free Year is a guide that gives you practical ways to develop a practice of gratitude and to foster respect in relationships.” —Sarah Bragg

2. Calming Angry Kids Sometimes grumbling turns into slammed doors and hurting hearts. If you are navigating life with a child who struggles with chronic anger, you are not alone. Drawing on my own experiences, this book helps you understand what is happening in your child’s brain so you can focus on relationship over rules. It includes reflection questions and action steps to help you teach your child how to handle frustration without outbursts—and how to control your own reactions, too. Peace in your home is within reach!

3. Faith That Sticks The preteen years can be perilous, and many parents feel unequipped to guide their growing kids through the messages that threaten their emotional and spiritual health. In this book, co-authored with Leslie Nunnery, we share a roadmap for parents who feel overwhelmed. We break down five real-life discipleship building blocks—prayer, Bible reading, family relationships, conversation, and service—to help you connect with your preteen on a deeper level. If you want to watch your kids grow in their faith, this is the encouragement you need.

4. Read Through the Bible with Me We can’t pour into our kids if we aren’t being poured into ourselves. Join me at The Monday Meetup, where we read through the Bible together! It’s a space for community, encouragement, and staying grounded in God’s Word as we tackle the week ahead. Join the Monday Meetup here!